If You Are Struggling with Anger or Impatience 

A Catholic Word of Truth, Formation, and Hope 

You Are Not a Bad Person for Feeling Angry 

Anger and impatience are among the most common struggles in the Christian life. They appear in families, marriages, workplaces, parishes, traffic, parenting, and daily frustrations. 

Many people carry quiet shame about their anger and think: 

• “I shouldn’t feel this way.” 
• “Good Christians don’t get angry.” 
• “I keep failing at this.” 

The Church speaks more clearly and more mercifully: 

Anger itself is not always sinful.
What we do with anger is what matters. 

What Anger Is—and What It Is Not 

Anger is a natural human response to: 

• Perceived injustice 
• Frustration or blocked desires 
• Fatigue, stress, or feeling disrespected 
• Fear or loss of control 

Anger becomes sinful when it: 

• Leads us to lash out, insult, or harm 
• Turns into resentment, bitterness, or hatred 
• Is rehearsed, justified, or deliberately held onto 
• Hardens the heart against love and mercy 

Impatience is often anger’s quieter form—a refusal to accept limits, delays, or weakness (our own or others’). 

Why Anger Often Feels Hard to Control 

Anger involves the body as well as the soul. 

When anger flares: 

• The body tightens 
• The heart rate increases 
• Reason narrows 
• Words come faster than wisdom 

This is why Scripture says: 

“Be angry, but do not sin.” (Ephesians 4:26) 

The command assumes anger will arise.
The work is learning how to respond. 

A Key Insight from the Saints: Slow Down, Don’t Escalate 

One of the Church’s great masters of the interior life, St. Francis de Sales, taught that anger is rarely cured by force, harsh self-criticism, or immediate reaction. 

His wisdom was simple and realistic: 

Nothing so calms anger as silence and delay. 

Trying to “win” while angry usually makes things worse.
Charity returns when we refuse to act while the heart is overheated. 

Have a Plan Before Anger Takes Over 

Anger is rarely mastered in the moment unless there is a plan beforehand. 

Do not decide how to act when you are already angry.
Decide now. 

When anger rises, reason is already weakened. A plan removes hesitation—and hesitation is often where charity is lost. 

A Simple Plan for Moments of Anger or Impatience 

When you notice anger rising: 

1. Pause Immediately 
Say nothing. Do nothing. Delay response. 
2. Change the Body 
Breathe slowly. Relax your jaw and shoulders. Step away if possible. 
3. Name What Is Happening 
Silently say: “I am angry.” 
Naming it weakens its control. 
4. Turn Briefly to God 
A short prayer is enough: 

• “Jesus, meek and humble of heart, make my heart like Yours.” 
• “Lord, give me patience.” 
• “Holy Spirit, calm my heart.” 

1. Respond Later—Not Now 
Important conversations can wait until charity returns. 

This is not weakness.
It is wisdom. 

Practicing the Opposite Virtue: Patience 

Anger and impatience are not healed simply by suppressing them.
They are healed by practicing the opposite virtue: patience. 

In the Christian life, vice is not removed by force alone, but by replacing it with virtue. 

We do not become patient by wishing we were patient,
but by practicing patience—again and again. 

What Patience Is—and What It Is Not 

Patience does not mean: 

• Letting people walk all over you 
• Avoiding necessary conversations 
• Ignoring injustice or wrongdoing 
• Never correcting or setting boundaries 

Patience does mean: 

• Responding without losing charity 
• Speaking the truth without cruelty 
• Correcting without contempt 
• Setting boundaries without anger 

Patience governs how we respond,
not whether we respond. 

Patience and Boundaries Can Coexist 

A patient response may still be: 

• Firm 
• Clear 
• Honest 
• Direct 

But it is not: 

• Explosive 
• Sarcastic 
• Contemptuous 
• Driven by a need to “win” 

Patience allows us to say: 

• “This is not acceptable.” 
• “I need to step away from this.” 
• “That behavior must change.” 

—without hatred, bitterness, or loss of self-control. 

Daily Irritations Are the Training Ground 

Everyday frustrations are not obstacles to holiness.
They are the workshop of holiness. 

Patience is practiced in: 

• Waiting in line 
• Being interrupted 
• Slow responses 
• Living with others’ weaknesses 
• Accepting delays, mistakes, and inconvenience 

These moments are opportunities to choose patience on purpose. 

A Simple Daily Practice of Patience 

Throughout the day, when irritation arises: 

1. Recognize “This is an opportunity to practice patience.” 
2. Pause 
One slow breath. No immediate reaction. 
3. Choose a Patient Response 
Speak calmly, delay words, or remain silent. 
4. Offer It to God “Lord, I offer You this act of patience.” 

Each small act strengthens the virtue—like a muscle exercised repeatedly. 

Progress, Not Perfection 

You will not succeed every time. 

When you fail: 

• Acknowledge it honestly 
• Ask forgiveness if needed 
• Begin again immediately 

Even imperfect efforts form the soul when they are humble. 

Anger, Mercy, and the Sacraments 

If anger has led to: 

• Harsh or sinful words 
• Damage to relationships 
• Ongoing resentment 
• Repeated loss of self-control 

Bring this to confession without fear. 

Confession is not only for dramatic sins.
It is for habits of heart that need healing. 

Grace does not erase emotion—it orders it. 

There Is a Gentler Way to Live 

Christ describes His own Heart this way: 

“Learn from Me, for I am meek and humble of heart.” (Matthew 11:29) 

Meekness is not weakness.
It is strength governed by love. 

God desires not only that you avoid sin,
but that you live with peace of heart. 

A Line Worth Remembering 

Patience is not silence out of fear,
but strength guided by charity. 

Closing Prayer 

Lord Jesus, 
You know my frustrations and my weakness.
Teach me patience, gentleness, and self-control.
Help me speak truth with love
and set boundaries with peace of heart.
Make my heart more like Yours.
Amen.